words Archives - Page 11 of 16

Memorialize

MEMORIALIZE: “1. to address or petition by a memorial; 2. commemorate: …an exciting period in history that has been memorialized in many popular books and movie; …at the entrance to the park stands a statue memorializing the novelist Sir Walter Scott.”

Is everyone straight on what a memorial is? It celebrates someone who’s dead. Dead dead dead. Memorial Day is for our war dead. A memorial hospital honors a philanthropist who is dead. If you’re in the memorial business, you know what you make? Tombstones. Not carpeting or cookware or lawn care implements. Tombstones. For dead people.

So when you read this sentence:

Such communications may be memorialized in emails, memoranda, or notes.

perhaps a tear comes to your eye. You think of the sage advice your grandmother offered, or perhaps a wedding homily from your favorite uncle, now deceased and sorely missed… except that this line comes from an official Department of Justice memo, and the “communications” involved are “‘[s]ubstantive’ case-related communications” that “may contain discoverable information.” Hmm. Hardly worthy of a memorial, but certainly bearing the need to be preserved or recorded.

Or how about this one:
This serves to memorialize and inform you and the other members of the Detroit Board of Education…

“Oh,” the Board members (and recipients of this memo) are thinking. “We’ve passed into the great beyond. Crap. I really wanted to plant those forsythia borders this weekend.” But wait – read on:

…of those certain events that took place during my weekly meeting with the Board President Mathis.

“I see,” the Board sighs with relief. “The Superintendent doesn’t understand that memorialize means something other than ‘record.’ At least I can plant those shrubberies.” (Read the whole memo here, but be warned, the content is – um, disturbing and sexually explicit. I wish they hadn’t memorialized it.)

But what bugs me more than this overblown alternative to “remember” or “commit to the record” is that memorialize, as I mentioned before, is for dead people. Not memos. Not sheaves of foolscap. And it’s only a matter of time before HR managers memorialize employee birthdays.

So unless you are dealing with the deceased, you have no business memorializing jack doodle. Unless Jack Doodle has recently passed on. In which case, a postmortem is also in order.

instead, use: record, remember, preserve, commit to the record, write down

Otto E. Mezzo

References: http://www.justice.gov/dag/discovery-guidance.html

http://download.gannett.edgesuite.net/detnews/2010/pdf/0618mathis.pdf

Suggested by Nancy Friedman’s article “Weird Words from the Corporate Lexicon” at Visual Thesaurus.

Iterate

ITERATE: “to perform or utter repeatedly; [no object] make repeated use of a mathematical or computational procedure, applying it each time to the result of the previous application; perform iteration” – New Oxford American Dictionary

Why is reiterate wrong? Because iterate means to “say again,” or more accurately, “say over and over.” So what does reiterate mean? “Say over and over again?” Say, wasn’t that a Bond film?

Okay, that ship sailed and went Titanic a while back. The word today is iterate. Now that reiterate has been unmasked for the fraud it is, pretentious MBAs everywhere are trotting out iterate because it’s, like, new and sounds scientific:

Let’s use the attached Word doc and iterate with this until we get to what we are comfortable with and then we can put into our approved project folder formatting template.

We were thinking it would be good to iterate a bit back and forth before cost proposals so we can ensure alignment on the project goals

Sorry, I had to hit the bathroom. Too many run-ons. Now where were we?

Iterate! So what is this manager trying to say? How does one “iterate” with something? Can you iterate back and forth? No, and let me repeat – no.

Notice I did not write “let me iterate.” Because that, too, is imprecise. Read the definitions again, especially the mathematics one. Iterate does not mean repeat; it means to repeat a process continuously (or for a set number of iterations). The Fibonacci sequence is an iteration.

Iterate certainly doesn’t mean “go [back and forth]” or “mull,” as the email author above seems to think. But he probably thought that since the action needs to be done more than once, it’s an iteration, kind of like lifting weights or eating a dozen Krispy Kremes.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I just had a sudden urge to iterate on something. I’ll be in the bathroom.

– Otto E. Mezzo

Agnostic

AGNOSTIC: “a person who believes that nothing is known or can be known of the existence or nature of God.” – Oxford English Dictionary

Derived from the Greek a (without) + gnosis (knowledge), agnosticism preaches that we don’t and can’t know the nature and existence of the Divine. As Bertrand Russell put it:

“An agnostic thinks it impossible to know the truth in matters such as God and the future life with which Christianity and other religions are concerned. Or, if not impossible, at least impossible at the present time.”

thhuxleywoodburytype — Thomas Huxley, who may not know about God, but knows more than you.

Thomas Huxley, speaking before the age of plausible deniability, summed it up even more succinctly: “I neither affirm nor deny the immortality of man.”

Of course, Huxley is just some old dude who died before 2010 and didn’t even have a Twitter account, so what does he know? In our modern, enlightened age, agnostic simply means “impartial.” Exempli gratia:

The JPMorgan service will draw unneeded money and securities from however many clearing brokers an investor uses, Portney said. “It’s clearing broker agnostic,” she said. (“JPMorgan Bank to Hold Collateral After Futures Firms’ Losses,” Bloomberg Businessweek, August 14, 2012)

Spare Backup, Inc. (“Spare Backup”), a provider of data backup and security software for smartphones, tablets and PCs, which is carrier and manufacturer agnostic, announced today that it has successfully completed an agreement… (“Spare Backup Reaches Agreement on Principle Business Terms for Major International Telco Launch in 2012,” RedOrbit.com, August 9, 2012)

Aetna ‘Agnostic’ on Acquisition Size, CFO Zubretsky Says (headline, Bloomberg Businessweek, July 31, 2012)

What’s most interesting about this shift is that it seems so logical, but actually reflects the tortured, imprecise associations that have given rise to other lexicides. Just because one is agnostic (as a religion), it doesn’t mean one is impartial or accepting of any religion. Agnostics profess only a lack of knowledge in supernatural matters. True agnostics have arrived here through a process of thought, not through apathy or the desire to sleep in on Sunday, and do not profess neutrality in matters of faith. The Freedom From Religion Foundation claims to be “the nation’s largest association of freethinkers (atheists, agnostics and skeptics),” and no one would call them impartial. (Read their website and see if you can disagree.) So where did this idea that agnostics are the disinterested stakeholders come from?

Who knows? Maybe the Apple-PC “religious” wars. Or maybe I’m wrong, and companies who claim to be platform-agnostic really don’t (and can’t) know which system is Diabolic and which one Divine. Seriously, though – in a knowledge-based economy, why would anyone hire a know-nothing company? I’d be looking for the ones who preach predestination. They’re the ones you want on your side.

– Otto E. Mezzo

References: http://www.businessweek.com/news/2012-08-14/jpmorgan-to-house-client-collateral-in-bank-after-futures-losses

http://www.redorbit.com/news/entertainment/1112672736/spare_backup_reaches_agreement_on_principle_business_terms_for_major/

http://www.businessweek.com/news/2012-07-31/aetna-still-has-appetite-for-big-acquisition-cfo-zubretsky-says

Urbane

nyc-sunset1

URBANE: “(of a person, esp. a man) suave, courteous, and refined in manner.” –New Oxford American Dictionary

“Urbane landscape: are city anthology films just a way of boosting tourism?”

This was the title of a recent movie review in The Guardian, and I knew immediately this would be our July entry. Provided the review made no references to the film’s sophistication, its gentility. Nope. Too much to hope for.

Urbane is not the same as cosmopolitan, which is the opposite of provincial. And it is most definitely not the same as urban, although they clearly share a common root. So urban planners attempt to mitigate urban problems such as traffic, crowding and too many Starbucks on the same block. Urbane planners make witty jokes about public transportation, but never at the expense of sanitation workers.

I will allow the use of urbane in this headline is probably intended to be a pun. But it’s a bad pun because it goes nowhere. Maybe the urban planner can help. To me, this looks like a job for the sanitation workers. It pays not to piss them off.

– Otto E. Mezzo

Reference: http://www.guardian.co.uk/film/filmblog/2012/jul/03/7-days-havana-city-anthology

Inconceivable!

A few weeks ago, PR Daily posted a nice little article titled “8 words that may not mean what you think they mean.” One of the words, unique, is a word-in-residence here at Lexicide. Ms. Brockway’s column received an avalanche of responses, some suggesting words for the next article, others “insisting that the meanings of words change because ‘majority rules.'” In their estimation, literally means “figuratively” because that’s how so many people use it.

First, let’s address this ‘majority rules’ crap. I agree (and have written here) that language evolves. I agree we should roll with the changes and avoid words whose fluid definitions could cause confusion. But just because a gaggle of chowderheads use literally wrong by no means makes them “the majority.” Lexicide doesn’t cover words that have moved on ̶ words like gay, nice (which once meant “foolish” and was used as an insult) or enthusiastic (my favorite ̶ it started life meaning “possessed by spirits.”). We only fuss about words which a minority of people use incorrectly.

There wouldn’t be controversy about literally, leverage or disinterested if most people agreed on their (wrong) definitions. I argue that this is prima facie evidence that lexicidal maniacs are the outliers, and the rest of us are trying (sometimes failing) to do right by our words. Keep trying. And read “8 more words that may not mean what you think they mean.”

̶ Otto E. Mezzo

P.S.: I also recommend Laura Hale Brockway’s blog Impretinent Remarks.

Surety

SURETY: “1. security against loss or damage or for the fulfillment of an obligation, the payment of a debt, etc.; a pledge, guaranty, or bond; 2. a person who has made himself or herself responsible for another, as a sponsor, godparent, or bondsman; 3. the state or quality of being sure; 4. certainty” –dictionary.com

A good friend, who happens to be a distinguished professor of religion, wrote me this note:

Lexicide moment: “All that can be said with any surety . . . ” Really? Are you going to give me something in exchange for letting you say what you want to say? Reading a very frustrating article right now. Changed “surety” to certainty and thought of you.

Aww. In return for that thought (and the C-note you slipped me), Lexicide’s word du jour is surety, which according to the popular website dictionary.com can indeed mean “certainty.” Even the OED lists “the state of being sure or certain of something” as a definition. Merriam-Webster lists “the state of being sure” as the primary definition!

Color me surprised. No, really. I asked the missus, who usually defends language misuse, and she’s never heard surety used in any context outside of a guaranty (as opposed to a guarantee). Of course, since she’s a distinguished attorney who used to work in insurance, her readings are skewed. For example, she hadn’t read this web review of Dickens’ Dombey and Son:

It is a lovely book, I can say that with all surety.

And on Yahoo Voices, a writer snarks:

Once again, promised with all surety the rapture was upon us, disappointment results.

And if those sites aren’t “legit” enough for you, here’s a testimony from a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints on their website mormon.org:

It took a lot of fasting and prayer on my part, but I can now say with all surety that God lives, that Jesus Christ is our Savior, and that the Book of Mormon is the word of God.

Interesting that two of those examples cited here are religion-oriented. And my friend is a professor of Jewish studies who came across the first example in her work. Surely there’s a joke here involving an airplane and a shortage of parachutes.

Again, we at Lexicide have to ask – why use surety when there is already an established, uncontroversial word for certainty: certainty?

Okay, here’s the joke: A Jew, a Mormon and an atheist are flying together when their plane malfunctions. As it spirals to certain doom, the Jew announces, “I believe with all surety that my name is written in the Book of Life, so I will soon see G-d.” The Mormon counters, “I believe with all surety I will soon be with Jesus in the Celestial Kingdom.” The atheist then says, “I believe with all the surety my brothers put up on this airplane, they are going to be pissed!”

Thank you. Please tip your waitress.

– Otto E. Mezzo

References: http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/surety?s=t

http://oxforddictionaries.com/definition/surety

http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/surety

http://www.factualopinion.com/the_factual_opinion/2012/04/no-pictures.html

http://voices.yahoo.com/rapture-disappoints-again-8517171.html

http://mormon.org/me/7VQB/

Shoo-in

shoo-in

SHOO-IN: “a person or thing that is certain to succeed, esp. someone who is certain to win a competition.” – New Oxford American Dictionary

This is not a real lexicide, and to be honest, the perpetrator here is yours truly. Recently, I used the improper shoe-in on, of all places, Facebook. A “friend” (yes, one of those) called me on it. Like a preacher caught in a brothel, somehow the offense seems dirtier coming from me.

So off I went in search of shoo-in’s origin. Like many other useful terms (“hands down” comes to mind), shoo-in comes from the world of horse racing, where the nippy nags are literally shooed in to the finish (to shoo meaning, of course, to drive an animal where you want it to go). Presumably all the jockeys are shooing in their mounts, so how did this term come to apply only to sure bets? Opinions vary, but William Safire wrote that in a fixed race it was the other jockeys who shooed in the decided winner while simultaneously holding their own steeds back. This origin story sounds murky to me, but as this site demonstrates, crisp logic is not a prerequisite for etymology.

So please forgive this foray into non-lexicidal, non-corporatese misspelling, but I do feel like I’ve done a kind of penance. All the better to shoo away future lexicides.

– Otto E. Mezzo

References: http://www.worldwidewords.org/qa/qa-sho1.htm
http://www.phrases.org.uk/bulletin_board/5/messages/1034.html

ROI

ROI (Return On Investment): “A performance measure used to evaluate the efficiency of an investment or to compare the efficiency of a number of different investments. To calculate ROI, the benefit (return) of an investment is divided by the cost of the investment; the result is expressed as a percentage or a ratio.” — Investopedia definition of ROI.

Marketing people don’t know accounting. We don’t want to know accounting. Accountants are the villains, the inveterate naysayers. In the movies, accountants are the boring boyfriend or the bean-counting toady. But when a lazy Hollywood writer wants to give his hero a profession, right there in the “heroic professions” grab bag next to screenwriter and Navy SEAL is — ad man. Yes, we “creative” types are pretty smug. We’re brainier than salespeople, more fun than finance people and better dressed than operations people. And we don’t have to show results (much). Books off at month-end? Then as an accountant, you definitively, undeniably suck. Sales down from last year? No commission for you! Marketing plan not a barnburner this year? Define barnburner. Oh, and the economy stinks. What’re you gonna do?

But what the “soft” fields truly envy in the “hard” fields is the jargon. Percentile, delta, impedance mismatch! Gloriously thick words made more desirable by their impenetrability. We must use them. Definitions be damned! …What? What’s this? Return on investment? Why, yes, I think I understand that. Oh, and it has a snappy acronym, too — ROI. No no! Don’t tell me what it actually means. I don’t care what you CPAs think. I like it.

Being left-brained number-crunchers, you don’t see the possibilities here. ROI sounds so official, so — profitable:

“We’re seeing great ROI in our social media campaigns.” (We have three new Twitter followers.)
“Our services demonstrate appreciable ROI for our clients.” (ROI can be negative? I’m wetting myself with excitement!)
“I’m not convinced of that program’s ROI.” (See what I did there? Can I order a CPA certificate online?)

Why confine ROI to a boring formula? Let me have it for a month and I guarantee it’ll be meaningless when I’m done with it. Look on the bright side. When ROI means nothing more than “effectiveness,” then you can stop obsessing over that discrepancy in year-end close. That’s what they’d do in the movies.

— Otto E. Mezzo

Out of pocket

OUT OF POCKET: “of, pertaining to or requiring a cash expenditure: out of pocket expenses… [alternately] suffering from a financial loss: even after our payment, he is still out of pocket.” — New Oxford American Dictionary

In a few days, the Lexicide staff will be out of pocket for the Christmas holiday. Did you get that?

Sure you did. You understood that we’ve leveraged our corporate checking account to pay for all these gifts. Or perhaps the boss decided these expenses are not reimbursable, so we must pay for the gifts ourselves — i.e., with money out of our own pockets.

How out of pocket came to mean “unavailable” or “incommunicado” is an easy deduction. Boss schedules sales guy (or gal) to go on an out of pocket trip. Sales dude (or dudette) grouses to everyone about how he (or she) is out of pocket for the next week. Salesperson of indeterminate gender has inadvertently committed lexicide. Now you can be out of pocket even while on an expense account.

And who doesn’t want to be both unreachable and also holding the company Amex? Especially at this time of year? Merry Christmas, everyone. May your words be merry and right.

— Otto E. Mezzo

Trying too damn hard (to annoy us)

sweeneytodd2

A reader (who also happens to be an English teacher) writes:

Is there any reason… for people to use the word “egress,” other than to prove that they CAN? What other words automatically brand a speaker or writer as trying too damned hard?

Reader Teacher has hit upon the unfortunate genesis of so many lexicides. Call it compensation, pretense or evasion, in the end it just comes down to “trying too damn hard.” So to answer the question, here are my (least) favorite “trying too damn hard” words and phrases:

Vis-à-vis — Use “regarding,” or better yet, restructure your sentence. (“We need to analyze our conversion rates” reads better than “We need to analyze reporting vis-à-vis conversion rates.”)

Strategize — Just plan instead.

At a high rate of speed — You mean “fast?”

At the present time — Now.

On a daily basis — First, second, and fourth words: completely superfluous.

Superfluous — Okay, okay…

Obligate — Oblige! Oblige!

Time horizon — Wasn’t this a straight-to-VHS sci-fi movie?

One of several attorneys general — Okay, we get it. You know the proper plural for attorney general, even though you’re just referring to a single one. We’re happy you understand the Norman origins of the term. Now go away.

Grand Guignol — Critics like to throw this term around to “elevate” spatter films to high art. The only problem is The Grand Guignol did not traffic in high art. It offered — well, splatter shows in the Pigalle neighborhood of Paris (the same area that hosts the Moulin Rouge, if that gives you some idea of the competition). But what the heck — it’s French!

In contradistinction to — I confess, this is my big “trying too damn hard” habit. I don’t know where I picked it up. I may have watched one too many BBC costume dramas.

Any foreign spelling or pronunciation — No American is allowed to write colour, kerb or tyre (unless you’re writing for a Commonwealth audience). No American is allowed to pronounce garage, advertisement or valet the English way, either (and besides, the American way is closer to the French origin, if you must be snooty). If you live in California, you will not pull into a car park when your gear box gives out on the motorway. Ever. (Same applies to Commonwealth blokes, but in reverse.)

Any others?

— Otto E. Mezzo