Author: mark

Case and point (spotted on the ‘net)

http://www.caseandpoint.com

Another suggestion, this time submitted via Facebook. Our reader writes:

Nothing like naming your software company after a misheard idiom.

I have not heard this one personally, but a quick Google search (I searched for “case and point” in quotation marks) reveals a small, but troubling proliferation of this incorrect construction. Will it become the next mute point?

— Otto E. Mezzo

References: http://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/case_and_point
http://www.worldwidewords.org/qa/qa-cas1.htm

Thank you for your understanding

I was cleaning out my inbox when I came upon this gem.
— Otto E. Mezzo

> Per your request, [website] can be altered via any number of best
> practices strategies available to the company at this present time.
> Suggestions that can be made leveraging the latest technologies to
> incent conversion and user engagement consist of:
>
> • Landing page experience facilitating common and consistent user
> experience and mitigating oververbose verbiage sometimes present due
> to articles of greater word count in length. C&R department leveraged
> suggestion effecting display of initial paragraph of latest entry in each
> category. Idea has meritorious qualities and is met here with approval
> verbiage, and it is advisable to effect alteration.
>
> • Organization of entry index in line with alphanumeric standard
> (ascending). Have already assessed impactfulness of organization with
> author-initiated sorting. This can be seen as effective, but is not a
> software-integrated solution.
>
> • Our department would like to engage in educational opportunity
> whereby increased knowledge of operation of WordPress is leveraged.
>
> • Please ensure your department impacts the contribution of content.
>
> Thank you. I will be out of the office immediately after sending this
> email. This message may be short and poorly composed because it was
> sent from my mobile device and I don’t give a damn.

Delta

DELTA: “1. the fourth letter of the Greek alphabet (Δ, δ); 2. the consonant sound represented by this letter; 3. the fourth in a series of items; 4. anything triangular, like the Greek capital delta (Δ); (Mathematics) an incremental change in a variable, as Δ or δ; (Geographic) a nearly flat plain of alluvial deposit between diverging branches of the mouth of a river, often, though not necessarily, triangular: the Nile delta; (Financial) The ratio comparing the change in the price of the underlying asset to the corresponding change in the price of a derivative” —entries from Dictionary.com

I spend a lot of time on my computer, and here’s why: I’m a fraud. I have no business being a strategic marketing consultant for Fortune 500 corporations. I don’t have an MBA or even a BBA. As a matter of fact, I have a BFA (Bachelor of Fine Arts). I can explain chiaroscuro and color theory in detail, but when everyone else at the table starts bantering about ERPs, “drill-downs” and “straw-man propositions,” I’m an idiot. Fortunately, there’s wireless internet and Wikipedia. I look like I’m busily typing memos, but in reality I’m frantically translating jargon just to keep up.

I’m not the only fraud in the room. Amidst all the buzzwords and needless acronyms being flung about like monkey poo, there are also lexicides — words used wrongly! I’ve started chronicling these as they happen, and today, I heard — for the second time — delta carelessly slaughtered.

About two weeks ago, my team conferenced with a client who embraced verbiage. Within his barrage of DVTs, PPORs and USPs (don’t look them up — they are all acronyms specific to his company, and he did not stop to explain them to us or use commonly understood terms), came delta: “We have 660 employees in this program, plus 200 in the other, which is a really big delta.” I paused, gears whirring. I knew delta referred to an amount of change, but my client did not refer to change. I dove onto the ‘net and came up snake eyes. I found no source using delta as a synonym for “number” or “sum.” I must have misheard.

Then today, the same client did it again: “The program rolls out to 350 managers, which is a smaller delta point than originally anticipated.” Delta point? After 30 seconds of furious Googling, here’s what I got:

In biometrics and fingerprint scanning, the delta point is a pattern of a fingerprint that resembles the Greek letter delta.

I kept at it. Finally, I realized the awful truth — my client was full of it. He really did use delta and the even haughtier delta point as pretentious stand-ins for “number.”

Because my wife so vigorously defended the abomination of lexicide in the past, I recounted this new development to her. “But delta means something very specific!” the former CPA protested. “Hey,” I replied, “you said it. If someone wants to misuse a word, he can and we should call it ice cream.” “But this is not what I meant!” It was satisfying to see her indignation. I shrugged and served myself some mashed potatoes, which were getting cold. “What can we do? Now may I please have a larger delta of gravy?”

— Otto E. Mezzo

References: Delta point according to Webopedia (http://www.webopedia.com/TERM/D/delta_point.html)

Under guise of (heard in a webinar)

“Sell your clients bundles under guise of collective buying.”

I have already covered under guise of as a bad, bad, bad substitute for “under guidance of,” but this is far, far, far worse. What this presenter was trying to say was, “Sell your clients bundles in the name of collective buying.” (Even better, try “Sell your clients goods in bundles, which will lower the price per unit. That’s collective buying.”) What he actually said was, “Sell your clients bundles and deceive them into thinking they’re taking advantage of bulk costs.”

And by the way, he was trying to sell us a bad Powerpoint presentation under guise of a merchandise bundling program. I wasn’t fooled.

— Otto E. Mezzo

It’s actually ironic

That Copy Kat requested I address the misuse of ironic, which we both agree reached its pinnacle with the song by Alanis Morisette. But the Lord (and VH1) works in mysterious ways! The song “Ironic” focused a flurry of attention on how un-ironic the song’s narratives were. So my work here is done.

Until I saw this video. My work here was only half-done. Now it’s all done, thanks to collegehumor.com. You oughta know.

— Otto E. Mezzo

UPDATES: It’s actually ironic, episode II (March, 2010). It’s like word advice that you just can’t spell.

It’s actually ironic, episode III (November, 2015) Alanis revisits the song twenty years later. She must have read my article, Who would have thought?

Boon/Boom

BOON: “1. benefit, favor; especially: one that is given in answer to a request; 2. a timely benefit: blessing; from Old Norse bōn request; akin to Old English bēn prayer, bannan to summon” —Merriam-Webster Collegiate Dictionary, Eleventh Edition

BOOM: “2. a rapid expansion or increase” —Merriam-Webster Collegiate Dictionary, Eleventh Edition

My wife has had two equally distinguished careers — as a lawyer and as a CPA. Both pay extremely well (yes!), both have trained her to say “no” with great frequency (boo) and both demand extreme precision. So imagine my surprise when she spoke up in defense of corporate illiterates who perpetrate persistent and willful lexicide. “They’re businesspeople!” she intoned. “They’re not word experts. What do you expect?” She then proceeded upon the dread path I’ve been dragged down so many times: “Why not say you leverage new technology? You could say you’re gambling with a new, untried technology.”

This post-facto justification drives me crazy. People who speak of leveraging technology or talent do not think of incurring risk, any more than those who speak of stagnant websites think of fusty odors. Sure, they’ll tell you the website “stinks” or is “stale,” but they and I know the speakers are desperately covering their mistakes.

I lead off with this bitter jeremiad as a preemptive strike, for today’s lexicide is boon, which is being crowded out by the incorrect boom, as in “Ajax has been a boom to the development of social media platforms.” No. The word is boon, for which read “blessing, answer to our prayers.” Boom is not the same thing. A “publishing boom” or a “futures boom” is a rapid increase in activity in those areas. Now, I know what you’ll say: “Well, Ajax has certainly enabled social media to prosper, so it is a boom.” If you cannot see how imprecise, inaccurate and poorly reasoned that fallacy is, then this is not the website for you. This is.

Precision matters. In your pursuit of profit, are you focused or singleminded? Is your team enthusiastic, zealous or fanatical? Is your spending plan frugal, thrifty or miserly? If you care so much to avoid problems in favor of issues, then why use a word that is clearly wrong? Boon describes the cause; boom describes the desired effect. They are not interchangeable just because they sound similar.

So the missus refused to back down (she is a lawyer, after all), even after admitting that some usages are just plain wrong. So targets of my scorn, you have a defender — a boon to lexicidal maniacs everywhere. Me, I’d prefer delivering a boom — from the muzzle of a Remington 870 12-gauge. Fortunately for you, the wife says no.

— Otto E. Mezzo